A Hooker’s work is never done

My challenge comes in the form of a long-distance boyfriend that’s in town for the weekend. It is safe to say that I am tripping a little bit. Nauseous, clammy hands, the whole nine… I suppose it’s a testament to how much I like this girl. Or perhaps it’s a testament to how much I Don’t savor the notion of sloppy seconds, especially since I’ve been getting lovey and delicious Firsts for six weeks, every day, all attention on me. I have grown quite used to this smart, sassy, HOT woman sleeping sweet on my shoulder, and now I don’t get to see her for several days because some guy from Chicago is gonna have his junk all up in her business.

Now, I have tried to be zen about this situation from the get-go. She’s never lied (that I know of…but I trust her), I knew about him before we ever got involved, and I see little point in getting super attached or hyperinvolved with someone that is going to be vacating Winston Salem in seven short months, when I am destined to spend the next nineteen months here at school. That is the logical side of my brain talking. Jump to the emotional, which is Where It’s All Happening… I really really Really like this girl. Alot. As in, It’s Suprising How Much I Like Her. We have an incredible time together, and we have nearly everything in common, which makes going out to dinner or picking movies really easy, and we’re extremely sexually compatible and everything feels so easy and right…except that I’m officially The Other Woman. Other Person, I guess I should say. I had thought that I could be okay with that, that it freed me up to see who I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. That’s all gravy in theory. However, we have this incredible connection that’s really doing it for me, and I find I don’t really want to see other people. And I’m finding that I’m not really comfortable with the fact that she does. I hate an ultimatum, and I’m not going to go there, it wouldn’t be fair or right since I knew beforehand there was a man involved, but I’m at an impasse with my thoughts. She hasn’t been particularly receptive to talking about it, even when I’ve tried to gently initiate a conversation about such things, and I suppose I’m afriad that if I voice my notion on being exclusive, she’ll walk.

The thing is, I don’t want her to walk. I don’t want a thing in the world to change about her. I mean, aside from the fact that she has a boyfriend. The question I struggle with now is, how do I work around the fact that I knowingly entered into this situation, and now want it to change for my own comfort and happiness? It seems selfish to me. I Knew. I Proceeded. I made an informed decision to spend a whole lot of time with a woman that’s not single. It doesn’t seem fair to me to ask her to make that change because now I’ve decided that I want to be with her, just us, even though that’s what seems natural to me, given the shape our relationship is taking.

Our relationship is the healthiest of any of my relationships so far, and that makes this whole situation that much more complicated. She’s a peach, batting a perfect 1000, except for this One Tiny Thing. What’s a girl to do?

What This Girl is going to do is clear out of town for the weekend, head to Asheville, and hopefully engage in some drunken bebauchery with my old friends. Nothing like staggering around drunk to help clear the head.

My show is finally finished. I have maybe one hour of touch ups left, but all in all, I am done painting/charging my first show. I am drinking a glass of cheap champagne Right Now to celebrate. It went well (mostly)…I had an awesome crew (aka my ubertalented friends) and we really rocked some scenic painting this past week. As the soft goods came in two weeks late, we had a paltry seven days to paint the show in it’s entirity, which sounded impossible to me at first, until we got the drops down and starting painting. The drops came out beautifully….one sky scene, 20′x30′, and one roll drop/show curtain, 20′x28′, with the show’s name stenciled in large letters across a black background. It looks hot. Additionally, we had to paint a smaller section of the sky drop on a 9′x10′ piece of muslin, and then wallpaper it onto a wardrobe, so that it effectively blends into the drop behind. It looks great, if I do say so myself. I’m very proud of the work that myself and my crew got accomplished in such a short time, and there was only one small foul-up, for which I was fully responsible (which is better in the Grand Scheme, otherwise I’d have been pissed!), that set us back for a hot second, and for which I freaked out for a good solid day, but it turned out just fine and all is well. HoJo, my advisor, as well as the show advisor, looked at the drops and wardrobe in the space today, and told me it all looked lovely…thank goodness. I was really sweating it, even though I could see with my own two eyes we had created a thing of beauty with the sky drop….impressing HoJo is important in life here at School. Anyway, it’s a huge relief that I successfully completed the first show of the season, my first show charging, and my crew seems to still like me, and the designer and director and advisor are all happy, and I’m proud and completely satisfied with the work we did this week. Just the One Week…that’s the most impressive part. Way to go, us.

Now I have to quit pretending that I have amnesty from working really hard in my classes due to The Show. I mean, really it was just the excuse I was feeding myself to feel better about the excessive amount of time I’ve been spending with Ole Blue Eyes. It’s been a daily thing for more than a month now, and even though we are Not calling a spade a spade, we’re Together; everyone knows it, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, it’s the truth that everyone around us sees. I like her alot, but I wasn’t really meaning to get So Involved with anyone, especially ‘anyone’ that already has a boyfriend, and happens to be graduating in seven short months. Of course, my life has to stay interesting somehow (and when I say interesting, I suppose I mean vaguely torturous and painful), but man! she’s good times. We are good times together. It’s hard to have so much fun with someone, have so much in common, enjoy each other So Very Much, and manage not to fall shamelessly in love. Cuz I don’t wanna be in love with someone that is already in love. I don’t buy the Enough Love To Go Around theory, unfortunately for myself.

It’s driving me nuts…on one hand, I’m so stoked that I’m still not smoking, six weeks later (!!!), but on the other, it’s really driving me crazy that I can’t really find it in me to write, still. It’s frustrating, this nicotine-free writers block. My lungs sure do feel good these days, and that’s all good and well. My sense of smell is Like Woah, and I enjoy that my hair doesn’t stink like cigarettes anymore, but it’s still really hard. Every day, it’s really hard. Every day, I want a cigarette worse and worse. I feel like I’m gonna cave any day now, and pretty much the only thing that’s keeping me On The Wagon is knowing that I’ve already done it for six weeks. Why not do it for one more? That’s what I keep telling myself. I’m trying to psych myself out…how crunk is that? I know that what I mean is I’m Telling Myself I can smoke in a week, when I don’t mean to smoke in a week at all, and Next Week I’ll say the very same thing all over. Does it make it less pathetic if it keeps working? I feel like such a crackhead junkie. Stupid cigarettes.

On a much happier note, the sky drop for my show is finished, and it looks absolutely fan-fucking-tastic! It’s gotten rave reviews all day long, from all the people that actually Need to like it, and compliments from all the people that I’m pleased I’ve impressed. I had an awesome crew, no doubt. It was Painting With Pals all weekend long, and even though it Was indeed a long weekend, it was fun. Now we just have to paint one more drop and a floor, and then we’re done with this show!

I’ve been having a grand ole time with OBE lately. The only problem is, We aren’t getting much sleep. I mean, not that I’m complaining. I’m just kinda always tired,except when it’s dark outside and we’re both done with work for the evening…then I get magical energy boosts and next thing I know, it’s 5 in the morning. On a school night. When we both have morning class. Tsk tsk tsk. Totally worth it.